Transfixed (Poem & Behind-The-Scenes)

Transfixed REL BTS- Poem by Greta Stone

 

This poem was written from a daily prompt hosted by TastyPoem on Twitter.  The title is the prompt word. ❤ See more frequent posts on Twitter (text only) and Instagram (with graphics).

Transfixed,
I halt,
my objection
pierced by
your threat,
impaled by
your command.
With a rush
of repentance,
I kneel.

© Greta Stone

 

Behind-The-Scenes

Even though I know what transfixed means, I look it up to find the subtle nuances of it. I like definition 2, which I wasn’t aware of:

pierce with a sharp implement or weapon.
“a field mouse is transfixed by the curved talons of an owl”

I like this much better than the definition I first thought of. A person can be transfixed by a literal object or by an action. A tongue slices and pierces with words.

my objection
transfixed
by your [words]

haha Funny that my first thought is disobedience. >___>

[I halt],
my objection
transfixed
by your
threat,
[impaled]
by your
command.

Already I’m not liking transfixed in this usage. Let me try rearranging.

Transfixed,
[I halt],
my objection
pierced by
your threat,
impaled by
your command.
With a rush
of [heat/desire/submission] repentance
I [drop/bow/kneel]

I do some searching for other words for halt but don’t like anything I come up with. Stop, freeze, and pause are all weaker, in my opinion. Also, repentance comes to me for the latter half.

Transfixed,
I halt,
my objection
pierced by
your threat,
impaled by
your command.
With a rush
of repentance
I [drop/bow/kneel]

I could use the obvious submit for the last part, but I think I prefer kneel.

Transfixed,
I halt,
my objection
pierced by
your threat,
impaled by
your command.
With a rush
of repentance,
I kneel.

I probably could take this one further but I’ll end up running out of characters.

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